


Mirena? I think you mean Horcruxa

by ptolemyandtime



Series: Mirena? I think you mean Horcruxa [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-13
Updated: 2017-12-12
Packaged: 2019-02-14 03:54:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12999291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ptolemyandtime/pseuds/ptolemyandtime
Summary: A series of unrelated crack fics that seek to answer the question: What if one of Tom Riddle's horcruxes had been an IUD?





	Mirena? I think you mean Horcruxa

Narcissa had anticipated having four children. She had seen what could go awry with three: the bully, the rebel, and the peacekeeper. And she wanted to correct that for her own children. One child would be forced to bear all the burdens of familial obligation—even if the parents tried to limit that burden. Two children meant constant comparisons (and look what happened to Sirius). Three: the oldest-middle-baby dynamic ad nauseum. But four. Four would be perfect. Enough children to shoulder the burden and enough configurations for the grievances of siblings to weather any downpour. Plus, even if the middle children followed the stereotypical path of black sheep, they would have one another. Yes, four children was just the right size for a good, happy, healthy family.

Four children born with the best traits of herself and Lucius. The idea of it had warmed her heart as an affianced woman and then as an expectant mother. And when her precious Draco was born and the memory of childbirth faded, she found herself looking at lilac booties and trying to decide between Ara and Carina if she had a girl. If she wanted something more playful, more easily nicknameable—perhaps Libra (Libby) or Taurus (Taury). She was forever appreciative that a 17th century family member had already used Vulpecula. Though she smiled when saying the ridiculous name, she hastened to think what a schoolyard of young children would do with a name like that.

Whenever Draco with his bright eyes looked at her and smiled, she knew he would be the loveliest big brother. She knew that he deserved siblings.

Draco was now toddling everywhere and Narcissa had never been as enchanted or as happy as she was then.

Draco filled her heart. And she needed that—especially when Lucius was out on missions for The Dark Lord. They’d hardly had time together in the last few weeks—let alone as a family. The longer her husband was gone, the more she wanted him, the more she wanted a big, large, brilliant family.

Some days—like today—she just wanted her husband’s body.

Narcissa, prettiest of her sisters, had long ago accepted that sometimes looks did matter. And there was something about her fit husband and his pompous air that got her hot and bothered. He was as precise and controlled in bed as he was everywhere else, but his control and precision wasn’t mechanic: it was masterful. He understood tempo and female pleasure and when she needed an ear lobe bit or a nipple tweaked. He could say just the thing to make her blush, to get her to reach the mountaintop.

And if she got a child out of such nirvana, all the better. But today, she just wanted him. He’d been gone four nights and she wanted him desperately.

Narcissa had just put a sleeping Draco into his crib when Lucius wrapped his arms around her and whispered, “Ugh. I’ve missed you.” He squeezed her up against his erection and she moved as close as she possibly could to his body.

“Oh, darling. I’d have you right here if I didn’t want to forever traumatize our angel.”

His head nuzzled into her neck, breathing her in. He kissed and sucked on her neck in a hicky-giving way that she remembered so well from their Hogwarts’ years. “Good thing this manor has more than one bedroom,” he said.

Without warning, he flipped her around and then hoisted her over his shoulder, patting her arse and carrying her to a rarely used bedroom three doors down. She laughed all the way there. He placed her on the canopied bed with more gentleness than she’d expectd.

“Oh, Cissa. Oh how I’ve missed you.” He began kissing her everywhere. Her jaw. Her shoulder blade, her pulse point. Her breasts.

“I’ve missed these two,” he said nipping at her left nipple.

She ran her hand through his hair, holding him to her breast.

“Oh, darling, they’ve missed you, too. The only attention they get is from a one year old which is not nearly so fun.”

“Hush.”

And she would’ve done anyways because that was the moment his hand made contact with her pussy.

“Oh, oh, oh Lucius, yes. Oh, Lucius. Please, darling. Give me everything.”

“Say what you want Narcissa. Say it.”

“I want your cock, Lucius. Give me your cock.”

“Oh, you have no idea how much I’ve wanted this.” And he thrust into her.

She couldn’t help thinking she knew _exactly_ how much.

Lucius was kissing her now and her hands were still nestled in his hair. He thrust in and out and she rose and fell to meet him. She clenched her pussy walls and was dizzy with pleasure, with lost breath.

“Oh, Lucius,” she moaned when their lips finally parted. “Oh,” she peeped. And then she came.

But Lucius kept going, determined that this be her first rather than only orgasm of the night.

Narcissa lost track of time--of herself--after that. She remembered riding Lucius, biting his shoulder, staring into her husband’s eyes, but she had no sense of how she’d ended up lying on top of him, chin tucked into his collarbone on the floor.

“I should be gone more often,” Luicus teased.

“Don’t even joke about that,” she said. “The lesson you should’ve learned is that you’ll get more of that the more you’re here.” She kissed his shoulder. She looked into his eyes, moving the hair from his forehead. “Surely you know that.”

He looked at her with such determination that she half expected him to kiss her.

In fact, she was surprised when he didn’t.

“Is that what you want Cissa? Is that what you really want?”

“More than anything.”

That is when he kissed her with more intensity than he’d given her the whole evening--which was quite a feat.

She could’ve fallen asleep just a moment before, but her husband’s kisses made her hungry for more.

She wouldn’t realize how consequential that kiss and the words preceding them would be until four days later.

_………_

Lucius came to her beaming.

“Well don’t you look happy. Kneazle got the canary?”

He kissed her in response and hugged her tight.

“Oh, Cissa, you’ve done it. You’ve found a way to do the impossible.”

Narcissa smiled. She loved when Lucius piled heaps of praise upon her.

"Because of you, I will be The Dark Lord’s most valued servant. _And_ I’ll get to spend more time with you.”

Lucius's hands cupped her face and he stared into her eyes with tears glistening from his own. He was unable to see her stark confusion. A confusion that she momentarily forgot when he kissed her.

When their lips eventually parted, her confusion returned.

“What do you mean, Luce?”

And he stumbled for just a moment before he said, “The Dark Lord has a most important task that he can only entrust to a witch and he promised that any supporter who is able to find such a witch will no longer be placed in jeopardy on the war’s front lines.

Narcissa was still confused. But this news was joyous. “You mean it? You would be home?”

“Yes. I would be yours every night.”

“Oh, darling,” she breathed a sigh of relief. And then anxiety crept in. _What if Bella got to this task first? Wait. What_ was _this task? This witch-only task?_

She had come to learn that when it came to The Dark Lord there was always a catch.

She stepped back ever so slightly from her husband and asked, “What is it I must do?”

And Lucius averted his gaze before returning it to his beloved. “Well, I’m not…I’m not quite sure, but I know it involves your sex.”

“What?!?!?! You’d debase me for your precious master?” Narcissa was shocked, angry, on the edge of screaming, of crying, of running out of the house with their son.

“No. Never. Never my love.”

She still wouldn’t meet his gaze. Lucius was terrified.

“I don’t really understand it, Narcissa. I just know that there’s an instrument that he needs to place in a trusted woman. And that if you accepted, I could be home with you and Draco.”

He was speaking from the heart, but he couldn’t help wondering if he was laying it on a bit thick. If he loved his wife less, he would have added ‘I thought you said, “More than anything.”’

She couldn’t look at him. She didn’t want this. Not one bit. But.

But she wanted him home. She wanted him with her. With Draco.

“Why hasn’t he asked Bella? Surely she would.”

“I think...I think he has other plans for Bella’s…” Lucius flushed.

 _Of course_ , thought Narcissa.

“When?” she asked.

Lucius almost couldn’t dare to hope.

“Don’t you dare make me ask again.”

“As soon as I tell him, he’ll want to proceed. Are you sure? There can be no backing out once I tell him who I've found.”

“I thought you already knew I was.”

“Oh, Cissa. I’m sorry to ask this of you, but I. Well. It just seemed like it would solve everything.”

“I hope it does, Lucius. I hope it does.”

_………_

Two days later, Narcissa found herself with her leg’s spread and a kind looking woman with vacant eyes gently palpating her cervix?? She couldn’t help but cry. She just wanted this over with. She’d seen the odd T-shaped instrument and still had no comprehension of why this was happening, why it was important enough to get her husband out of harm’s way.

“Alright now, love, you’re about to feel a pinching sensation.”

“Fuck,” Narcissa said breathing sharply.

And then it was done. The witch banished the blood, gave her a calming draft, another potion for the pain, and a bar of chocolate.

“There, there,” tutted the mediwitch with those horrible vacant eyes. “Come and see me in two months if you have any problems."

Even with all the potions she’d been given, Narcissa felt cold. She felt violated. And when she saw Lucius that evening she didn’t meet his thoughtfulness or tenderness with anything. He thought she was mad at him. In fact, she was just numb.

Several days passed and she felt no different or rather she felt nothing. Not even Draco could bring a smile to her lips.

After two weeks passed with no sign of change, Lucius summoned Dobby and told him he must find a way to make his mistress happy.

And Lucius floundered. _What had he done? What had he done to his wife?_

By the time Dobby found something to cheer his mistress, he was so battered from his punishments that Lucius had stopped summoning him because looking upon his bruises repulsed him. So out of view of Lucius, Dobby brought his missus firewhisky and his master's objects for his her to smash against the walls. Slowly, Dobby interspersed these activities with performances of Draco singing his favorite nursery rhymes.

………

Thirteen weeks later the Dark Lord disappeared. And being being his most cherished of his servants no longer mattered.

Lucius was left with a shell of the woman he loved. And for what? What reason was there now for her sacrifice? If Lucius wasn’t so proud, he would have left her. If he wasn’t _entirely_ to blame, he would have left her. But he _was_ too proud and he _was_ entirely to blame. And his wife was still a shadow of who she once was. As the Dark Lord’s disappearance began to feel permanent, Narcissa came back to him in pieces, but she was never whole. She would never again look at lilac booties or peruse astronomy books for baby names. She would never again consider having more children with her husband. She would never be _his_ again.

………

"Narcissa."

Narcissa had no way of realizing that Harry Potter was trying desperately to locate her. She had no way of knowing that the special connection between Tom Riddle and Harry Potter had caused the latter to see the former’s thoughts. She had know way of knowing he had been able to see the check list of horcruxes: _the shack, the cave, Narcissa, the snake, Hogwarts, the shack, the cave, Narcissa, Hogwarts_.

Somewhere, very far from Narcissa, Harry Potter was thinking, _What the fuck?_

Somewhere, very far from Narcissa, Hermione Grainger and Ron Weasley were just as bewildered.

The next morning when Narcissa pronounced Harry Potter’s death to the assembled Death Eaters Voldemort would finally let her leave his side, would finally stop looking at her with greedy worry. She would finally be able to walk freely, to search for her son.

And when the victory march up to the castle turned to mayhem, she would lose herself to the warmth of the Imperius curse as Harry Potter led her into an antechamber off the Great Hall. He would return her to herself once he sealed them from the battle taking place outside.

“What are you doing with me?”  _Draco never mentioned Potter being crude._

“I’m really sorry Mrs. Malfoy, but we haven’t got much time.”

“What the _hell_ are you doing?”

“Trying to finish off your old pal, Tom Riddle.”

“Then what the bloody hell are you doing with me. I let you go for fucks sake! You mark my words I’ll harm you.”

“Mrs. Malfoy, I know you lent Draco your wand, and I know this might be a bit simpler if I put you under a Confundus Charm or back under the Imperius Curse, but will you just give me a moment to explain.”

Narcissa was distracted by the shouts and the rumble of the battle waging just feet from where they stood.

Harry Potter thought he had her full attention, though.

“You see, Riddle made something called horcruxes in order to survive. He put part of his soul into objects and stored them in safe hiding places. There’s only one left that stands in the way between Riddle and mortality, and I have reason to believe that it’s...er...inside of you.”

 _Inside of_ me.

Narcissa gasped and looked at Harry Potter as if for the first time.

“H-how?" _Did Lucius…? No. Of course not._

“Mrs. Malfoy, do you know where the horcrux is?”

“The, the huh-huh…”

“The piece of Riddle’s soul.”

“Oh god. Oh, dear god.”

“Please, Mrs. Malfoy, we haven’t got much time.”

“No. Right. Knock me out, Confound me, Imperio me, wipe my memory. Whatever you need to do, do. I don’t…I can’t bear living with what’s about to happen so please Obliviate me when you’re through.”

Harry Potter was very surprised to hear Narcissa acquiesce so quickly--until he heard _where_ the horcrux was located.

………

When Narcissa came to, she was frazzled. She’d been looking for Draco, trying to make sure he was alive. _How had she ended up here wherever she was without first having located her son? Was he dead? Where_ was _he?_

Her thoughts raced and her legs hurtled forward to keep up with them. The entrance hall was much quieter than she would have thought for a battle. _Draco. Draco. Draco. Where was he?_

“Mum!”

“Draco!”

She hugged him so tightly as if to say, _You, Draco, are all that I’ve ever wanted, all that I’ve ever needed._

_………_

As the years passed, she found it harder and harder to believe that she had once wanted a child--let alone four children--with a man like Lucius Malfoy. Lucius would never know that Tom Riddle's instrument had been removed from his wife. And if he had, he would have been surprised that there was not a noticeable change in her feelings towards him. He had always blamed the instrument. Lucius would never understand that he lost his wife as soon as he made that request of her.

He would never truly understand the nature of the request's violation.

But Narcissa knew and somehow Harry Potter had known, too. She would never send him Christmas cards or talk with him at family gatherings, but decades later when her grandson married into the Potter family, she would have none of Lucius Malfoy's grumblings about the Potters. And she would spoil her grandson-in-law even more shamelessly with each new utterance of the Potter name. 

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by a delirious conversation with one of my loveliest friend.


End file.
